Shadow Clone Jutsu!
by Kushurimi
Summary: Hidan x Hidan. You heard me right. It's a bit of a crackfic, please don't ask where I got the idea from. I just. Don't. Know. Rated M for Hidan's mouth, and err, the end bit. Maybe. Hope you enjoy x


**Author's Note: I do not own. For the official disclaimer, see my profile.**

**P.S. **Sorry if it doesn't go, I don't care, I just haven't written anything in a while, and how to put it? Inspiration struck. I like this, but then again, I like my blood :-D

**Hope you all enjoy, either way, please R&R.**

**x  
**

**Your lover of pain,  
Kushurimi **

**x  
**

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"During the last mission that Hidan took, an information gathering mission I might add, returning in a complete and utter bloody mess, I decided something. Those that have portrayed no current ability to create a clone need to be able to do so. While it matters not the state that Hidan is put into," a grumbled 'bastard' came from Hidan's corner of the room. Pein continued, "it does matter for the other members of this organisation. Since losing Orochimaru, we no longer have resident healers, therefore we must take these precautions to reduce injury frequency."

It all came out as a monotone speech, the kind that could put you to sleep. Pein however, could not be ignored, nor could you feign interest while listening to him. He simply would not tolerate it.

"Are there any questions? No? Good. Now, those who can create clones, of some variety, to my left, and those who can not, to my right," the drawl continued.

Konan, Itachi and Deidara promptly moved to the left; Kisame, Kakuza, Hidan, Sasori and Zetsu to the right.

Tobi then realised he had been ordered, looking around frantically from left to right, before Zetsu grabbed him and pulled him into line with him.

"Konan, you can perform paper clones, Deidara clay clones, and Itachi, shadow clones. You are dismissed apart from Itachi, I will be needing your services soon." Itachi nodded, while Deidara went back to him room, and Konan carried on down the hall after him, disappearing into the complex.

"Kisame, I thought you could produce water clones?" Kisame promptly bolted out of the room, leaving behind him a very confused and angry Pein. He inwardly groaned - there's always at least one.

"Kakuza, while you cannot produce clones, you can seperate your hearts from your body, you are exempt, you are dismissed. Likewise with your puppets Sasori, you have no need to learn replication techniques. Zetsu... this doesn't really apply to you, you can not be caught. You are all dismissed," their leader said, finishing with a sigh.

"This leaves Tobi, and Hidan." This was good. The less who needed to learn, the better. After all, missions needed to be done.

"Itachi, take them to training room 4, and teach them both the Shadow Replication technique."

"Hai, Leader-sama."

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"What the fucking hell? Why the fuck do I have to learn a stupid fucking jutsu? This is bullshit!" Hidan expressed with extreme distaste, a childish pout forming.

"You question Leader-sama?" Itachi replied.

"N-no... but I still think this is utter bollocks," the pout fully forming on his lips as he finished speaking.

"Yay! Tobi wants to learn a new jutsu! Yay, Tobi is going to be taught a new jutsu by Itachi-danna!" Itachi simply sighed.

"Tobi, we're learning Shadow Replication, do you think you can manage it?" Itachi said in his low voice, more devoid of enthusiasm than usual.

"Oh shadow clones, you mean like this?" Tobi replied; forming the seals, a perfect, incredibly frightening prospect of a shadow clone appeared next to him. Itachi promptly dispatched it with a kunai before havoc could ensue.

"What the fuck? Get the fucking hell out of here you stupid fucking brat, leave it to the people who actually need to fucking learn something!" Hidan shouted at the orange masked ninja.

Tobi started crying.

"Although I truly hate to say it, I agree with Hidan, there is no reason for you to be here Tobi-san." Tobi left, slowly wiping tears from under his mask, snivelling as he left.

"So, bollocks is it Hidan? Yet you kick Tobi out on the premise of you needing to learn, my my, how the tables have turned," Itachi's rare sarcasm gleaned through.

"Oh shut the fuck up Mr. I-killed-my-whole-clan-with-a-stick-up-my-arse emo kid. I had a short epiphany, two Hidans could annoy stitch face much better than one."

Itachi frowned. Not at the insult. Not at the prospect of the irriation of another member. He frowned at the lack of profanity, which meant he was lying.

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They spent the next several hours going over, and repeatedly using the Shadow Replication jutsu, until Itachi had made sure that Hidan had perfected it.

That took way too long, Itachi mused, but then again, he isn't an Uchiha.

"Thank fuck that's over, smell ya later emo kid, places to be, people to do," Hidan added with a wink. That *never* meant anything good.

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As soon as Hidan left, Itachi immediately made his way up to Pein, on the earlier order that should Hidan display act in any way unusual, he should immediately report it. After all, Hidan was, for want of a better word, "volatile".

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As Itachi knocked on the door of Pein's study, it swung inwardly as a load moan issued from the inner chambers, the bedrooms.

Pein looked at Itachi, with a hard and questioning stare. Itachi parried with a look that said "yes, something was wierd".

They both rushed through the hall, passing a startled Konan, and carried on, despite hearing a subtle "wanker" being issued from Kakuza's room. They weren't the only ones who had heard it, nor were they the only ones to know who had made the sound. As they drew closer to Hidan's door, they heard the moans coming more frequently, now interupted by loud groans.

If he's brought someone in, I'll *find* a way to kill him, Pein mused irritably.

"Ohhhh Kami, thank you Itachi-saaaaaaaan!" came the latest moan as they were right outside the door.

"I swear, I did nothing, all I taught him was the jutsu, like you said," Itachi hastily added to Pein's stare.

Pein silently counted down from five on his fingers, kicking in the door on the count of zero. Kami, he wished he hadn't.

Two hidans were stark naked, staring at each other, mid blood-link ritual, while one of them - the real one - stabbed himself in the neck with a long blade, moans issuing from them both. The ritual meant linked bodies, and the sight of them both was too much for Pein or even Itachi.

They both bolted out of the door, Hidan neither recognising, nor caring of the interuption.

"Fuck you Leader-sama!" Itachi said while pointing a finger at Pein, as he threw up into a waste basket.

"I deserve that comment," Pein whispered softly in reply.


End file.
